Meet The Members of Your Inner World: Understanding Internal Family Systems (IFS)

Have you ever felt like you have two little parts sitting on each shoulder, each with its own opinion about what you should do? Maybe one part focuses on meeting everyone else’s needs while another feels frustrated by always being the responsible one. Or maybe one part of you longs for connection and comfort, but another has learned to stay guarded to avoid being hurt again.

These inner conflicts aren’t signs of weakness or brokenness or “what’s-wrong-with-me-ness”. They’re simply parts of being perfectly human. Internal Family Systems (IFS) is a type of therapy modality that gives us language and tools to get to know these parts and offers a way to bring compassion and balance to our inner world..

What is Internal Family Systems (IFS)?

Internal Family Systems was developed by Dr. Richard Schwartz and is based on the idea that we are made up of many different “parts”. Every part has its own perspective, emotions, and intentions. Even when a part causes pain or conflict, it’s usually trying to help or protect us in some way. 

In addition to our “parts”, at the center of our being is the Self. The Self is a key part of IFS that is the calm, compassionate, grounded core of who we are that is capable of understanding and leading the entire system. Similar to a real family, when each part within us feels seen and heard, the whole system begins to work together more smoothly.

Some of the goals of IFS are to:

• Get to know and understand our parts with curiosity and compassion.

• Soothe and comfort the parts of us that carry fear, shame, or pain.

• Unburden exiled parts so they no longer have to carry old wounds alone.

• Work with our parts rather than against them. We learn to welcome, not get rid of any part of ourselves.

Photo from Give Me Space But Don't Go Far by Haley Weaver

Main Types of Parts

There are two primary types of parts in IFS: protectors and exiles. Then, there are two types of protectors: managers and firefighters. Every part plays a role in keeping us safe–often based on early experiences, life challenges, and learned coping mechanisms. Here’s a brief explanation of each type of part and common examples:

• Managers: protect by controlling. 

  • Examples: perfectionism, people-pleasing, overthinking, etc.

    
    

• Firefighters: react impulsively to soothe pain

  • Examples: numbing, anger, addiction, distraction, etc.

    
    

• Exiles: hold deep emotional wounds and vulnerability

  • Examples: the parts that often carry shame, fear, or grief.

    
    

Protectors work very hard to keep these exiles safe in every day life. Managers and firefighters do these jobs in effort to keep us (and the exiles) safe from distress. (Also, it’s important to remind you here that we all have ALL THREE types of parts in our worlds.)

The Self

In IFS, the Self is the calm, curious, compassionate, and confident “leader within” each of us. (I know you may not believe me right now, but I promise it’s there.) Healing begins when the Self takes the lead and connects with our parts with understanding rather than judgment or force.

Instead of asking, “How do I get rid of this part of me?” IFS invites us to shift our perspective: “What does this part need from me?”

I like to explain it like a great parent with a child. When a child is upset, they rarely respond to criticism or punishment. What helps children the most is a calm, empathetic presence. In the same way, when our inner parts feel seen and cared for by the Self, they can relax, trust, and eventually integrate more peacefully into the system.

The Big Question: What Does IFS Actually Looks Like in Therapy

• In IFS therapy, you learn to notice and talk with different parts of yourself — often using mindfulness, visualization, or guided reflection.

•  It’s not about fixing, controlling, or eliminating your parts, but befriending them with empathy.

• Example: You might notice a strong critical inner voice. Instead of trying to silence it, we explore what it’s afraid would happen if it didn’t criticize you.

• Because we all have parts, anyone can benefit from IFS work. 

Practical Ways to Begin Noticing Your Parts

Even outside of therapy, you can start getting to know your inner parts. Here are a few simple ways to begin:

• Journaling: Ask yourself, “Which parts of me show up in certain situations?” and write down what you notice.

• Mindfulness check-in: Pause and ask, “Who’s here right now?” to identify different parts present in the moment.

• Notice internal dialogue without judgment: Try thinking, “A part of me feels anxious, another part feels frustrated.”

• Practice curiosity over criticism: Approach each part with interest and compassion instead of trying to push it away.

• Get creative: Create your own visual “parts map” by using colored pencils or markers to draw each of your parts, naming and describing them and how they relate to each other parts. 

Resource Recommendations

Unlike some therapies, IFS is really approachable and can actually be done on your own. There are SO many resources on IFS out there, so I wanted to include some helpful starting places if you find yourself intrigued and wanting to learn more!

Books: 

• No Bad Parts by Richard Schwartz

• You Are the One You’ve Been Waiting For

• Self Therapy by Jay Earley

• Give Me Space, But Don’t Go Far: My Unlikely Friendship with Anxiety (Not explicitly an IFS book but is a great example of parts/coping mechanisms and the process of welcoming parts rather than eliminating.

  
  

Media:

There are lots of podcasts, interviews, and video demonstrations about IFS out there. Try searching Dr. Richard Schwartz interviews or IFS guided exercises/live demonstrations to see IFS in action!

Inside Out and Inside Out 2

We commonly reference these animated movies when introducing IFS. While the movie primarily focuses on emotions rather than “parts”, it is a great visual representation of our parts’ individual functions and feelings and how they all relate to one another. 

Insight Timer App–has guided IFS-focused meditation led by Richard Schwartz himself!

Final Note

This has been a long one, so if you’re still here, let me just say: Wow. Attention span who? I adore IFS and the truly transformative and “revolutionary” (their words not mine) work it has done for my clients. If you are interested in trying IFS or this blog has brought up questions you’d like answered, please reach out using the contact button and I’d love to chat with you!

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